Motivation...or Just Simply a Refusal To Be So Damn Mediocre

Had lunch and spent some time yesterday with my friend J, my next-door-neighbor and best friend from when we were little. We always go out to this Japanese place in Sunnyside, Queens, because he loves Japan and everything Japanese maybe more than I do (maybe). He's actually Peruvian, but REALLY wishes he were Japanese, haha.

So the usual, "what are you doing this summer" came up, which makes me cringe when I hear it because I feel like it emphasizes even more the difference between me and not-Yale. Within the Yale community, the Light Fellowship is kickass and going to Japan for 2 months is really cool. BUT you KNOW the person reassuring you of your coolness went to volunteer at an orphanage in Cairo last summer, spent last Spring Break in China teaching elementary school kids English, and is working for Morgan Stanley in the city this summer. Paid. So it's all relative--everyone's doing crazy amazing shit. Because we can. And because there's no one or nothing (really) to tell us we can't.

And what I hate more than saying, "I'm going to Tokyo for two months to do Japanese language study, all paid for," is realizing that I don't want to ask THEM what they're doing. Because the conversation is fated to continue in this manner:

"Well nothing as cool as what YOU'RE doing, Miss Yale going off to Japan..."

=(

There are so many expectations, all the time. Even for something as simple and generally un-complicated as a summer doing language study, albeit in a different country. And people don't mean any harm, I doubt they even realize how uncomfortable they make me feel. Because, YEAH, I DO have it good, I'm traveling the world and doing all these things I want to do, but I cannot figure out a way of telling people about it without shining light on their lack of jet-setting adventures. And that's not what I want to do at all, I try really hard to NOT be "that jerk."

Which brings me back to lunch with J.

He took some Japanese in high school; I remember because he would teach me random words in the dojo (karate school). But apparently he never took it seriously and though he's gonna be a senior in college, he just finished his first real year of Japanese (like me!). Aaaaaand I happened to have my Easy Kanji Book with me (I carry unnecessary things in my bags because I hate light bags because they slip off my shoulder, lol) and he was going through it, and well...within a span of 3 minutes, I was basically called a fatass (he didn't want his California roll!) and a dumbass. He literally danced around happily because he was smarter than me at something for a change (his words, not mine).

T__T

I pretended I wasn't hurt and steered the next 3 hours' worth of conversation AWAY from Nihongo and my clear lack of skill at it. Upon arriving home, I whipped out the--wait for it--HOMEMADE KANJI INDEX CARDS (::dramatic music::).

I told you I was serious about Japanese! In between Orgo lecture, Orgo lab, other classes, RB rehearsals, RB Board meetings, PorColombia Junta meetings, PorColombia planning in general and even teleconference calls with PorColombia Nacional, Alianza E-Board meetings, Alianza general meetings, work (allll the way at the Admissions Office), and varying things such as VIHDA, Sabrosura, Harvard-Yale with RB, both semester RB shows, Xplosion!, Branford Independence Day, running Bulldog Days, and 4 consecutive weeks of Tech, I somehow found time to make Kanji cards and try to learn the 200+ Japanese characters that make up the third, and hardest, writing system. Try is the key word there.

So the Kanji cards have been found, dusted off, and put to work. I'm methodically going through them, making sure I go over and over the ones I've already worked on. I feel like I'm gonna have 4587584363 Kanji thrown at me this summer and I do NOT want to have to revisit any Kanji 1 - 219. Yeah I suck at this language in general (I'm right there with you Rene), but at least there's something I can do! I just have to prove to myself (and a little to J) that I've been given all these privileges for a reason. Damn right I deserve all this!

I'll take some motivation with that, please. Thanks.